Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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