lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
