hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
