I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
