you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
