I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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