you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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