i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
