She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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