i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
