Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
