please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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