You don't have asthma, your pregnant
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
