He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
