this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
