My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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