all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
