His pubic hair was longer than his dick
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
