it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
