I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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