quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Randomize
