how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I looked at my own cervix.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
