Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
