im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Randomize
