new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
