Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
