I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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