Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
