It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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