JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
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