Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
