So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
