You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
