sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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