the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
