just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Randomize
