The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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