Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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