R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
