Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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