oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Randomize
