he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Randomize
