sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
