quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
