My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
