I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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