I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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