If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Randomize
