He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
