There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
