hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
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