I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
