Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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