Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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