Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
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