Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
and you fell through a lawn chair
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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