So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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