Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
