I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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